terms and definitions
slut, toy, pet, submissive, slave, dom, domme, mistress, serving... they all seem to mean different things to different people in this lifestyle. What one person sees as gospel, someone else would not see as even important. So are we better off to go by the strictest definitions only, try to make everyone adhere to the same ideals? Or should we make our own definitions based on the context of our relationship?
Some things are to be expected... dom, domme, mistress, master, etc are considered to be tops/dominates. Submissives, slaves, etc are considered to be bottoms.
Some are so open to personal interpretation... its almost overwhelming when trying to talk to another in the lifestyle. What is considered to be slutty behavior to one would be exceedingly mild to another. Where the name toy might be a term of endearment to one, it might be degrading to another. Same with the name of pet. It seems each sub and dom has a different idea of what serving is and what a propper submissive attitude is.
But yet, even knowing that there are these conflicts in people's vocabulary, there are those who will only accept their definition of words, and their useage. They expect everyone they encounter to behave in the way this person feels a dom or sub should behave, and react in the way that this person expects them to. *smile* like we are all preprogrammed to be like them (thank god no).
I know that most submissives I have talked to will mold themselves to a degree (the severity of the changes based on the individual and the relationship) to what the dominate they are talking to wants. But I have seen many many relationships break up because: the dominate is too strict and will not allow any diversity in their ways, the submissive is acting to be what the dominate wants, one or both is not truthful in what they are expecting, and one or both is not truthful in what they want/need.
A Ds relationship (to most I have talked to) is like taking a vanilla relationship and taking it to the 10th degree. It is not always easy, its not always perfect, it is a lot of work, and its very rewarding. The communication has to be more open than in most vanilla relationships I have seen. And part of this communication is making sure you are both speaking the same language... using the same terms in the same way... this sounds so simple... but I have had calls and emails from 4 different people in the last week for whom just this kind of thing has destroyed their Ds relationship.
Some things are to be expected... dom, domme, mistress, master, etc are considered to be tops/dominates. Submissives, slaves, etc are considered to be bottoms.
Some are so open to personal interpretation... its almost overwhelming when trying to talk to another in the lifestyle. What is considered to be slutty behavior to one would be exceedingly mild to another. Where the name toy might be a term of endearment to one, it might be degrading to another. Same with the name of pet. It seems each sub and dom has a different idea of what serving is and what a propper submissive attitude is.
But yet, even knowing that there are these conflicts in people's vocabulary, there are those who will only accept their definition of words, and their useage. They expect everyone they encounter to behave in the way this person feels a dom or sub should behave, and react in the way that this person expects them to. *smile* like we are all preprogrammed to be like them (thank god no).
I know that most submissives I have talked to will mold themselves to a degree (the severity of the changes based on the individual and the relationship) to what the dominate they are talking to wants. But I have seen many many relationships break up because: the dominate is too strict and will not allow any diversity in their ways, the submissive is acting to be what the dominate wants, one or both is not truthful in what they are expecting, and one or both is not truthful in what they want/need.
A Ds relationship (to most I have talked to) is like taking a vanilla relationship and taking it to the 10th degree. It is not always easy, its not always perfect, it is a lot of work, and its very rewarding. The communication has to be more open than in most vanilla relationships I have seen. And part of this communication is making sure you are both speaking the same language... using the same terms in the same way... this sounds so simple... but I have had calls and emails from 4 different people in the last week for whom just this kind of thing has destroyed their Ds relationship.
posted by RoseStone at 1:17 AM
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